1/3/09 03:44 am
I want him back. This is killing me. I really hate everything but him right now.
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elysemaree's journal
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It's not a good feeling, you know, not being good enough for the one you love. The one person I love, doesnt want me. Doesnt love me. It hurts. It feels like I have a hole in my heart. But I can't help it, I can't help but love him. It hurts so goddamn bad to love him, because I am not his everything, as he is to me. He doesnt want me to love him, I mean, I don't want to love him. But as much as I try, I just cannot stop! He's like my drug. The more I want him, the harder it is, and the harder it is, the more I want him. But then, even when I don't want him, it's still horrible, it's actually worse, so much worse. I don't think I will ever stop loving him. He came into my life and made me fall in love with him, and now he's turned my world upside down and left me dead inside. It's so lame and such a cliche, but I really do feel dead, I just don't feel alive anymore. I havnt had anyone give me that feeling of life anymore, and now that i've experienced it, now that i've had it for four months, I can't just give it up. I want it back, I need it back. I need him back. He thinks i've lied to him but I havnt. I never have, I love him too much to lie. I'm incapable of lieing to him. I wish he knew that. I wish he knew how much I loved him. I hate being this stupid little naive teenager in love. I hate it. But no matter how much I try, it's not going away. I feel bad for being in love, embarassed. And it is just so incredibly stupid, I know. You're supposed to be able to celebrate your joy, passion and just complete and utter giddyness to the whole entire world when you are in love, especially to the one you feel this love for. But I can't, and it's tearing me up from the inside out and i'm getting so depressed about it. I just want to hold him and never let go. I'm in love, so why is it that I cannot be happy?
Being in love is just like waiting for your heart to break.
It's true, love is the slowest suicide.
But how come when i'm in love,
I don't want anyone in my life but them?
I constantly set myself up for heartbreak.
But now, I just don't care.
Yes. I'm a dumb ass bitch who needs to grow the fuck up. But you know what, you treated me like shit so when I got the chance to get back at you, I fucking took it. Don't you want at least one of your ex girlfriends to say something nice about you instead of spreading lies and rumors, or maybe just telling the truth? Yeah I love you now, and I love you a lot, But you DON'T take your anger out on those you love. You don't get many second chances, and your lucky i'm so forgiving. Just remember what it felt like when I went away that night. You remember that feeling every time you make me or another girl cry, because thats the feeling I feel every single day towards you.
anxious
disappointed